My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
