I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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