I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
