3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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