if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
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Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
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Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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