but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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