I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
