so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
