Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
