her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize