doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
