I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
