Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
