Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
When are your genitals available?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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