He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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