shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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