Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
