'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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