dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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