I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
