You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit