if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.