They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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