It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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