My Higher Power is John Stamos
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
