I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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