Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
