I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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