Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
