You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
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