420 ftw
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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