Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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