i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
