she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We have so much sex to catch up on
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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