so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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