Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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