I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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