You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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