What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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