bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
