Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
