I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
