i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
