This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
we're so committed to being not committed
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
