just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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