And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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