Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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