I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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