u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
