You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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