if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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