I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
