the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
