PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
