i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
