if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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