just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
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Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize