this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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