You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
