no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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