two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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