Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Less talking, more tequila
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
