He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
