My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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