The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
