so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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