he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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