Just took my morning after pill in the library
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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