3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
