I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
