Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
