I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
