I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
