If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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