It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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