His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
a search helicopter?!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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