Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
