Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
