And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
