My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
