put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
