I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Randomize
