You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
