I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
