epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
