the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
